


Repent

by Lacertae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Beforus, Gen, Gore, Pre-Canon, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Pre-Scratch Alternia, Self-Harm, chewing his tongue off, hinted pairings, some detailed shit right here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-10
Updated: 2012-10-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 01:17:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacertae/pseuds/Lacertae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the kink meme</p>
<p>Kurloz chewing his tongue off after realising he hurt Meulin.</p>
<p>trigger warning for gore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repent

**Author's Note:**

> It's not always I write stuff like this (detailed gore or torture). In fact, I think it happened a grand total of 3 times in the last 7 years, haha. Still.

Breathing harshly, unaware of where he was going, Kurloz stumbled through the door of his hive, eyes wide and unseeing.

_Loud._

In his mind he was replaying it –every single instant, raw and vivid like a motherfucking painting of bright colours on his wall, taunting him and his uselessness.

The hive was deathly silent around him, but the sound of his breaths, coming out in short, pained gasps, was louder than any gunshot; he slammed against a nearby chair and recoiled from it, shocked at the sharp pain forcing its way up his arm, then backed until he was against the wall, both hands coming to cover his lips.

Why was he so damn _loud_?!

Choking on another gasp, so loud and pathetic it sounded like a sob, Kurloz pressed the back of his head against the wall, head angled weirdly due to his horns, nails digging into the soft, pale skin of his face.

He was still breathing harshly, but he could not stop.

Every shuddery gasp echoed in the silence, taunting him, making him remember–

                                                          His _fucking_ voice had _broken_ her.

She had been forced to listen to his motherfucking loud, horrible screeches, amplified through her hive-cave’s walls, circling her like a wingbeast hungry for meat, ripping through her ears, louder through his own mental powers, wild and uncontrollable–

He’d broken her and now she would never be able to hear again.

She would be culled, maybe ripped away from her loving Lusus to be brought to some troll’s hive, to be coddled, never to be free to run and hunt for her own food, unable to be free, living a life that would make her sad

and that

                                      was

                                                                                               all _his_ motherfucking

                                                                                             **_fault_**.

_Meulin–_

Kurloz let out a loud wail, broken and forlorn, but he instantly lowered his hands to his neck, pressing down harshly until he felt sick and his voice broke, but that only made his pained whines louder.

Why was he still so

_damn loud_

Why

_Why_

**_Why_ **

The world tilted around him as he spun and slammed both fists on the wall, punching through it over and over, mouth open wide but choking on every breath–

He was so sorry

_FUCKING sorry_

**_His voice was rotten_ **

He fucking shouldn’t be ABLE TO hurt her EVER AGAIN

                                                                                                               Her **_matesprit_**

_Meulin–_

Loud loud loud

**loudloudLOUDLOUD**

With a pained growl, his throat dry and burning –he’d screamed himself raw, it hurt, but motherfucking NOT ENOUGH not when she’d been hurt MORE– Kurloz pushed himself away from the wall and stumbled across the corridor, moving to his respiteblock.

He didn’t know what to do.

He couldn’t go back to Meulin, he couldn’t face her, not when he’d abandoned her, vulnerable and lost and deaf, running away from her.

_He’d abandoned her_

He’d **hurt** her.

He wanted to go _back_ to her.

                                         He wanted to hold her close, cradle her head, caress her ears

_His fault all his fault_

Selfish motherfucker, unable to stay away, forcing her down with him, not knowing when to stop but

                          He wanted to see her again, he couldn’t even think of a life without her

**_They had yet to play, how would that work_ **

With another loud wail, Kurloz stumbled to his recuperacoon, staring with wide eyes at the slimy, green liquid, the colour swirling with strange, enticing shades.

Voices whispered within his own mind

_so motherfucking loud._

He traced his lips with trembling fingers, loathing that mouth, motherfucking blasphemer mouth that shouldn’t have been allowed to speak–

How could he even think of uttering a single word anymore now?

He traced his tongue with his sharp fangs. He could feel the wet appendage, hyper aware of how disgusting it felt, pressed against the roof of his mouth, against the back of his teeth, slimy and motherfucking traitorous

The same tongue he’d used to trace Meulin’s lips before kissing her, tasting her–

                                               He could _not_ have that.

He could not have her anymore

_He couldn’t risk…_

What if he hurt her again?

_What if he hurt Mituna?_

Kurloz became aware of a throbbing pain in his mouth, and the tangy, bitter taste of indigo blood filling his senses.

He opened his mouth, drool and blood mixing together as they ran down his chin, and he hissed when he realised he’d just bitten down on his tongue.

His jaw clenched and tight, he looked at the dripping, watered indigo falling into the green slime, almost entranced by how his blood swirled inside the recuperacoon before the sopor slime absorbed it.

The throbbing inside his mouth lessened, but for a moment, he actually wanted it back, knowing it would be nothing but a pale comparison to what Meulin had felt.

Without thinking it twice, he pushed his tongue out and bit down on it harshly.

The sharp, abrupt pain made him wince, the nerves of his entire body flaring up, muscles twitching as he clenched his fingers against the edge of his recuperacoon, dipping into the liquid; wheezing and staring as more blood and drool dripped from his clenched teeth, Kurloz sobbed again. His lips were stretched into a wide grimace, but the pain was good

_The pain was nothing like what Meulin felt_

It was disgusting.

Fighting his body’s instinctual desire to stop, he bit down some more. The pain flared up instantly, almost enough to bring tears to his eyes, but he grunted and pushed his tongue out, stretching its muscle as much as he could; his fingers, slippery with sopor, traced the tip of his tongue, trying to hold onto it, and tugged.

Yes.

                                                                                                      Yes, that was the only solution

_Repent_

PAY for your

_Sins_

To the Merciful Messiahs

He tugged until he felt the back of his mouth burn in pain. He tugged until he almost choked on his own spit, letting it fall into his recuperacoon instead, he tugged and gagged and _bit_ until everything tasted like blood and his mouth was burning and aflame, and then bit down even more.

It hurt

_Motherfucking **HURT**_

BUT HE COULDN’T stop because

_Meulin’s face was the only thing he could see–_

He swallowed some of the blood, his tongue feeling disjointed and swollen in his mouth, almost like he was trying to chew on a grub far too big for him, and the disgusting taste almost make him vomit, but he didn’t dare stop, nails digging into the unwanted appendage, his teeth ripping into it inch by inch, digging into the flesh, ripping through the nervous receptors, and it

              Hurt

Hurt

Motherfucking _hurt_ like a BITCH but he couldn’t stop WOULDN’T STOP

_Meulin–_

A weird taste mixed with the blood, and the pain dulled slightly right where his teeth were digging in. for a second Kurloz’s jaw slackened in surprise, wondering if he was ready to pass out.

His mouth felt like it was disconnected from him, nose and throat so full of saliva and blood that it was hard to breathe, the taste overwhelming his senses, a steady throbbing that made it hard to concentrate.

Pain

_Hurt_

He was nauseous. He wanted to stop. He wanted to sob and cry and tear at his arms until the skin was ripped away, until the pain into his mouth disappeared, until the blackness edging into his vision ate away his life…

_Meulin–_

Kurloz tried to make a sound, but the gurgling that came from his throat was viciously silenced by the swollen, bloody tongue.

This was his punishment.

He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t pass out. He had to…

One hand slipped into the sopor in front of him. Its colour was the only thing still clear, the rest of his room swimming into a sea of black, and he could barely feel the cool sensation of the liquid against his skin.

He retracted the hand covered with slimy green goo, and gingerly pushed his fingers into his mouth.

Kurloz wasn’t thinking straight, or he wouldn’t have broken such a taboo –eating sopor slime was worth being culled for due to inattentive Lusus– but he was quickly losing his battle against consciousness, and a part of him remembered the soothing feeling of sopor in his sleep.

    It could

**Help**

_With the pain_

Not much… not _too_ much… but enough to–

The effect was instantaneous. The sharp pain filling his body dulled over. It didn’t stop, but it was enough for him to choke down a grateful sob.

With fingers still sticky with sopor, unable to lick at it, slobbering all over his recuperacoon and his chin, Kurloz waited until the black edges retreated slightly.

He traced the contours of what was left of his tongue with a finger, digging into his mouth with his hand and almost nauseated when he was able to push it on the side, still connected but only barely, chewed through and raw and still bleeding.

It hurt so much–

He’d never felt such an overwhelming pain before, deep and numbing his entire body, until he could barely feel his feet, or the surface of his recuperacoon against his body.

The sopor helped, but only barely, and he wasn’t willing to eat any more because

_He deserved the pain–_

Almost…

_Almost done–_

With a shaky breath through his partially closed nose, Kurloz swayed, leaning fully on his recuperacoon, and then harshly bit down.

He vomited into the recuperacoon, ears buzzing as the sound of something heavy splashing into the liquid alerted him that it was done.

His mouth felt suddenly empty, but the burning was enough to distract him as he sobbed and retched over and over, blood and everything he had in his stomach from the previous night falling into the now murky liquid in front of him.

The gurgled, huffy sounds coming from his throat were pleasantly low, but–

Not enough still.

He stumbled away from the recuperacoon and fell on the ground, unable to keep himself standing.

Everything hurt

But

He wasn’t done yet

Not until every

                                        SINGLE

_Sound_

Was

**RIPPED**

From

_HIM–_

_Forever._

……

……

……

Kurloz was unconscious when a panicking, frantic Mituna rushed into the hive, psiionics flaring around him as Kurloz’s voice screamed itself raw inside his mind, pleading him to save him, sobbing and pained

And Mituna, half blind by blues and reds flashing together through his blurred vision, ran upstairs, hoping against all hope that everything would be fine, that his moirail would be ok, that he could still–

Until

it all _shattered_

and Mituna found Kurloz sprawled into a puddle of his own blood, the recuperacoon smashed through and the sopor and his indigo covering everything.

Kurloz’s lips were sewn together, rough and still bleeding, and his hand was clenched around his ripped appendage, fingers digging into the wet, cold muscle.

He was smiling.

_He would never hurt her ever again._

 .

 .

 .


End file.
